late again

it's very late. i have done the usual and had too much to drink and can't sleep. been listening to JAnice Long- she plays some good stuff. And I have been thinking about friends. I am fortunate to have many amazing people in my life. In the words of Dermot O'Leary "in no particular order": Joan, Anna, Dawn, Mirka, Jan, Hilary, Fiona, Jane, Pauline, Heather, Anne, Louise, John,Sabina, Manda, Kathryn, Julie, Spohie, Nicola, Chas, Caroline, Vivienne, Julie, Annie (x2), Jacek, Chris, Zoe. These are people (very nearly all women-interesting) with great chutzpah, drive, energy, humour, integrity, resourcefulness, wisdom, intelligence,creativity, loyalty and they are utterly trustworthy too. how incredible. But when I was thinking about these people, I realised that I always, always forget to include in my mind-lists the most important person in my life without whom I would not even recognise the beauty in the people around me. It is going to sound corny but one of the things I have been thinking about whilst lying awake is Jesus is the one friend whom I ignore time and time again, put on the back burner, deny (half the time), argue with, take all the credit for- actually whom I basically treat abominably but who is still loyal to me and still believes in me and still keeps giving me all the things I need from a friend- love,loyalty (that word again), confidence, good advice, forgiveness. now do not switch off folks now I have mentioned the J word. It's just that I have found Jesus to be the way to God. God is a safer word- because I could at this point mean Allah, buddah (?), one of the many Hindu gods, Krishna or who ever else takes yer fancy. Maybe we could just rename Jesus and call him Elvis- would that be more palatable? Or maybe the name is not the problem for people... Anyway, to continue. God, of course, is spirit. the universal truth. the essence of love, truth, light, good. I do believe him to be the creator of this fine universe-but I also believe the crazy story that he became a man to show us all what he is really like and how he would like us to be(seeing as we just didn't get it before). And I deny him and act against him when I deny love- I act hatefully, I let myself down, I go against myself and the things I want for myself. drinking too much and being a gob shite are not wrong in themselves- I am not going to be hurled into the eternal firey pit because of them- but I realise that somewhere, somehow, a little chip has been made in my integrity and my wisdom and my resourcefulness- all the stuff I admire in others...Anyway. this is a bit of a confession. I suppose I am making my mind up about some things- I am making up my mind (continous tense here- life time journey etc) to follow good things and thankfully, along with the amazing people named above in my list (to which I will now add the name Jesus/Elvis) I can also rely on the person closest to me all the time in Spirit who i know will continue to open my eyes and inspire me.